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I cant do this anymore. I cant pretend to be strong anymore. I cant sit here and pretend im a good person. I dont wanna do this anymore. I cant keep going on like this. I pretend. I put up a front. Im happy im fine i love everything. In the end i end up like this. All alone. At night. Wishing i could sleep it all away like i usually do..
Why love ? When no one will love you. Yeah they will for the time being until they get to know you. Or until they know about your past. And then they can’t handle your past, its so bad that even you, yourself can’t handle your past. You’ve been hating yourself for all the choices you made. You’ve been wanting to put an end to it all— the reason why you just don’t give a fuck about anything anymore. And for the one person you want to love you, and to accept your love, to always bring it up. I cant get past it- nor can i talk about it. What do i do? Sit here and pretend? Cry? Wtfuck does that do ? Nothing.

I just want someone to love me, and accept me as i am. But who would? After all the shit I’ve done. I wouldn’t wanna be with me either. Shit i still dont know why or how i get into relationships. They can love me with all their heart but i know deep down in mine they won’t accept my love. They won’t trust me. I will never find love and love will never find me. And it hurts. It breaks my heart. That i can lay here, with the person i want to be with, and still feel alone.

I dont want to hurt anymore. I cant. I just cant.